The search for beauty...
...although you are already beautiful.
The clipped wings of an angel,
mounted on the wall.
These are some of those beautiful things.
SlideShow
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Beautiful Things
The search for a friend, who exists in your heart.
The search for beauty...
...although you are already beautiful.
The clipped wings of an angel,
mounted on the wall.
These are some of those beautiful things.
The search for beauty...
...although you are already beautiful.
The clipped wings of an angel,
mounted on the wall.
These are some of those beautiful things.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Ballerinas, Nutella, and Belly Flops
My school is one of those places where if you walk through the cafeteria carrying, say, a grilled reuben sandwich, some girl will stop you and say, "Animals are gross! They make you fat!"
It makes me sad--not because this actually happened to me a few weeks back (It did.) but because a lot of the younger generation these days believe that your figure needs to resemble beef jerky before you can have respect.
Take my girl friends at school. I love them. They're awesome friends. But I've been eating lunch with the guys instead for 3 months now.
I mean, I can take it if someone says "That nutella sandwich will make you fat" once. But if they do it every day for a year and going? Eventually, you crack--kind of like a nutcracker, which serves as my segue into the article I want to share.
You can find it here. This brave, beautiful NYC ballerina would not let critics get to her. Jenifer Ringer is my hero of the day. She is gorgeous, stunning, she knows it, and she won't let a critic tell her otherwise. Heck, she doesn't even need his apology. She's that good.
It's like how the other day at my school, we were having a belly flop contest. One of the contestants from the sophomore class was overweight. When he stepped onto the diving board in shorts, my friends targeted him instantly. "He has no self control. He's a total loser. He's so fat. Do his parents do anything about it?"
I listened for about five minutes, after which I turned to my friends and told them, "At least he's proud of it."
And that shut everybody up.
They gave me a disbelieving, WHAT-ARE-YOU-ON look. I shrugged and added, "I think he's kind of cool. He's not ashamed of the way he looks. He's proud. I wish more people thought like that."
There was more awkward silence, before one of my friends finally piped up, "Yeah, you're kind of right."
I smiled and gave her a high five.
But she's 1 out of 9.
What sucks is that although I'm now recovered, I started the eating disorder trend among my friends 3 years ago, and within my school, it has now spread to affect 3 grades, countless girls, and too many bright, shining lives.
Right now, I want to fix it, one little bit at a time through subtle gestures like making my Facebook status, "I love you all just the way you are" or "Friends are like snowflakes, beautiful but different" (The Window of Starbucks, Thanksgiving day)<--Look! Proper MLA citation!!! (I'm still jaded from finals). Anyways, I read somewhere out there that 50% of women want to lose weight, and I guess what I'm really trying to say is: You are beautiful. You are strong. You are wise. You don't need to change.
This New Years, resolve to love yourself! Love who you are and everything that makes you who you are! Love nutella and banana sandwiches, which are an alternate heaven!
Totie Fields once said, "I've been on a diet for two weeks, and all I've lost is two weeks."
Once upon a time, I was on a crash diet for 2 years, and honestly, all I can say is that I've lost 2 years. And more, if you count all the dinners with Mom that I vetoed in favor of eating one bowl of cheerios, a banana, and some strawberries. I've never regretted anything more in my life. Those two years were the prime of my high school, that I should've spent having fun with friends and doing crazy stuff, not penned up in my room dreaming nightmares that involved eating chocolate cake.
If I could save anyone in the world, it would be all the girls out there who stand victim to body image criticism.
Everyone out there, please stay strong!!!
It makes me sad--not because this actually happened to me a few weeks back (It did.) but because a lot of the younger generation these days believe that your figure needs to resemble beef jerky before you can have respect.
Take my girl friends at school. I love them. They're awesome friends. But I've been eating lunch with the guys instead for 3 months now.
I mean, I can take it if someone says "That nutella sandwich will make you fat" once. But if they do it every day for a year and going? Eventually, you crack--kind of like a nutcracker, which serves as my segue into the article I want to share.
You can find it here. This brave, beautiful NYC ballerina would not let critics get to her. Jenifer Ringer is my hero of the day. She is gorgeous, stunning, she knows it, and she won't let a critic tell her otherwise. Heck, she doesn't even need his apology. She's that good.
It's like how the other day at my school, we were having a belly flop contest. One of the contestants from the sophomore class was overweight. When he stepped onto the diving board in shorts, my friends targeted him instantly. "He has no self control. He's a total loser. He's so fat. Do his parents do anything about it?"
I listened for about five minutes, after which I turned to my friends and told them, "At least he's proud of it."
And that shut everybody up.
They gave me a disbelieving, WHAT-ARE-YOU-ON look. I shrugged and added, "I think he's kind of cool. He's not ashamed of the way he looks. He's proud. I wish more people thought like that."
There was more awkward silence, before one of my friends finally piped up, "Yeah, you're kind of right."
I smiled and gave her a high five.
But she's 1 out of 9.
What sucks is that although I'm now recovered, I started the eating disorder trend among my friends 3 years ago, and within my school, it has now spread to affect 3 grades, countless girls, and too many bright, shining lives.
Right now, I want to fix it, one little bit at a time through subtle gestures like making my Facebook status, "I love you all just the way you are" or "Friends are like snowflakes, beautiful but different" (The Window of Starbucks, Thanksgiving day)<--Look! Proper MLA citation!!! (I'm still jaded from finals). Anyways, I read somewhere out there that 50% of women want to lose weight, and I guess what I'm really trying to say is: You are beautiful. You are strong. You are wise. You don't need to change.
This New Years, resolve to love yourself! Love who you are and everything that makes you who you are! Love nutella and banana sandwiches, which are an alternate heaven!
Totie Fields once said, "I've been on a diet for two weeks, and all I've lost is two weeks."
Once upon a time, I was on a crash diet for 2 years, and honestly, all I can say is that I've lost 2 years. And more, if you count all the dinners with Mom that I vetoed in favor of eating one bowl of cheerios, a banana, and some strawberries. I've never regretted anything more in my life. Those two years were the prime of my high school, that I should've spent having fun with friends and doing crazy stuff, not penned up in my room dreaming nightmares that involved eating chocolate cake.
If I could save anyone in the world, it would be all the girls out there who stand victim to body image criticism.
Everyone out there, please stay strong!!!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
On Grandmas and Girl Assassins
I have 3 hours left until my 2nd (out of 4) midterms.
And as we all know, Finals= Crazy Dreams.
Two nights ago, I dreamed of an epic battle/war that could've come straight out of TRTP. That, of course, was in the background. I stood at the front of the dark field, eating a french fry. I know, right? Hello, self, there are people being gutted behind you and you're nibbling a french fry??? (Note: I have finally conquered my fear of french fries being unhealthy and had a few on Saturday.)
The dream dictionary says:
"To see or eat French Fries in your dream, suggests that you should not overlook the frivolous and seemingly minute things in life."
Frivolus or seemingly minute things aka the battle going on in the background? :P
BUT in a reality sense, I think I know exactly what this dream is trying to tell me... ;)
Yesterday night, I fell asleep at 9:13 while studying Chapter 3.4: Trigonometric Derivatives and slept all the way to 7:57 this morning. I'm not sure how that happened.
I had a really intense dream though. My grandma, who's a brain cancer survivor, was being paraded through Westfield Valley Fair Mall in a grand prossession. Meanwhile, a group of assassins were plotting to take her down somewhere around Arden B (which in my dream was upstairs although in reality it's downstairs) ala JFK.
And then there's this super girl assassin who owns Arden B who also happens to be a god-daughter of my grandma. And she hates me. Her boyfriend as well as many of her friends are in the assassination plot, although she's unaware of it. Her boyfriend finds out I know his secret and banishes me from Valley Fair. If he or the assassins (or the girl assassin from Arden B--of course, she doesn' t know why I'm being banished. She just wants a reason to get rid of me) sees me, they're allowed to kill me.
BUT I've already seen how their plot works. They intend to push my Grandma (in her wheelchair) in front of Arden B, where they'll shoot her through the open doors with AK-47s. So I, in my love for Grandma, decide to stop them. Unfortunately, that entails hiding out until the procession begins.
So I'm sitting at a bench by the foodcourt by the Jamba Juice dressed in some ugly black dress that's totally not my style (in disguise) when the girl from Arden B walks by. I bend down like I'm tying my shoelaces to hide my face. She stops behind the bench and peers under it where she can see my face.
I freak out and sit straight, but she's already seen me. She keeps making subtle moves to see my face, and I can't stand it anymore because my heart's beating so hard I feel like it's going to explode.
So I whip around and admit, "Okay, it's me."
She pulls an AK-47 from behind her back, but I beg her to let me explain. So she sits down next to me on the bench and I tell her about how her boyfriend and his friends are going to assassinate my grandmother/her godmother.
What does she do? She pulls two pairs of pumps from behind her back--one sequined red and one sequined black. Now, these shoes had four in heels. (Note: probably because yesterday in dance class, I was practicing my strut, which I think I've gotten down pretty well)
She tells me to put them on because they'll be a better disguise if I dress exactly like her. And we go into Arden B and she gives me the black sequined spaghetti strap dress that in real life, I happened to have bought from Arden B during their Black Friday "Buy One Get One Free" sale. So I go into the backroom and put it on.
And I look hot.
And now she wants me to go through the foodcourt to wash my hands in the bathroom. And I say "Are you crazy? If your boyfriend sees me, I'm dead." And she says I won't have to worry because there are so many people in the foodcourt her boyfriend won't see me.
She's right. Instead of assassins waiting to take me out, I see a lot of my classmates (which I do on all mall trips). And they wave at me and ask me what's up, COMPLETELY oblivious to the murder plot about to happen in two hours.
So, okay, great.
I go back to Arden B and the girl assassin gives me an AK-47 and tells me that we need to take down her boyfriend/whoever tries to kill my Grandma before they can get to their posts inside Arden B. So we have our rifles ready and we're sitting in the display window waiting for the assassin boyfriend and his friends to walk in--
--and I woke up.
I know, right? LAME. I was dying to know what happened, but it was alrady 7:57 which meant I had 3 hours to study 11 more sections of math. In fact, I'm going to go and do that now.
First of all, dream interpretation:
"To dream that you are a witness to an assassin, indicates that you need to pay more attention to some small detail. Do not overlook the seemingly insignificant things in life."
Wow, ties right in to the french fry business, huh?
"To dream that you are a hero, signifies your inner strength and weaknesses. The dream refers to your ability, determination and level of confidence. You have the power to bravely face the secrets of your unconscious and confront life's challenges."
"To dream that you are a spy, indicates your mistrust of others and your tendency to be in everyone's business and affairs. Perhaps you have recently stumbled upon some information that was not meant for your eyes."
"To see or wear a dress in your dream, represents a feminine outlook or feminine perspective on a situation. You are freely expressing your femininity. If you are a man and dream that you are wearing a dress, suggests that others are questioning your sexuality. Or that you are feeling sexually insecure."
"To see or wear stilettos in your dream, signify female sexuality and domination."
"To see a gun in your dream, symbolizes aggression, anger, and potential danger. You may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence."
I have one hour left to finish studying for this freaking Calculus final. Wish me luck!
And as we all know, Finals= Crazy Dreams.
Two nights ago, I dreamed of an epic battle/war that could've come straight out of TRTP. That, of course, was in the background. I stood at the front of the dark field, eating a french fry. I know, right? Hello, self, there are people being gutted behind you and you're nibbling a french fry??? (Note: I have finally conquered my fear of french fries being unhealthy and had a few on Saturday.)
The dream dictionary says:
"To see or eat French Fries in your dream, suggests that you should not overlook the frivolous and seemingly minute things in life."
Frivolus or seemingly minute things aka the battle going on in the background? :P
BUT in a reality sense, I think I know exactly what this dream is trying to tell me... ;)
Yesterday night, I fell asleep at 9:13 while studying Chapter 3.4: Trigonometric Derivatives and slept all the way to 7:57 this morning. I'm not sure how that happened.
I had a really intense dream though. My grandma, who's a brain cancer survivor, was being paraded through Westfield Valley Fair Mall in a grand prossession. Meanwhile, a group of assassins were plotting to take her down somewhere around Arden B (which in my dream was upstairs although in reality it's downstairs) ala JFK.
And then there's this super girl assassin who owns Arden B who also happens to be a god-daughter of my grandma. And she hates me. Her boyfriend as well as many of her friends are in the assassination plot, although she's unaware of it. Her boyfriend finds out I know his secret and banishes me from Valley Fair. If he or the assassins (or the girl assassin from Arden B--of course, she doesn' t know why I'm being banished. She just wants a reason to get rid of me) sees me, they're allowed to kill me.
BUT I've already seen how their plot works. They intend to push my Grandma (in her wheelchair) in front of Arden B, where they'll shoot her through the open doors with AK-47s. So I, in my love for Grandma, decide to stop them. Unfortunately, that entails hiding out until the procession begins.
So I'm sitting at a bench by the foodcourt by the Jamba Juice dressed in some ugly black dress that's totally not my style (in disguise) when the girl from Arden B walks by. I bend down like I'm tying my shoelaces to hide my face. She stops behind the bench and peers under it where she can see my face.
I freak out and sit straight, but she's already seen me. She keeps making subtle moves to see my face, and I can't stand it anymore because my heart's beating so hard I feel like it's going to explode.
So I whip around and admit, "Okay, it's me."
She pulls an AK-47 from behind her back, but I beg her to let me explain. So she sits down next to me on the bench and I tell her about how her boyfriend and his friends are going to assassinate my grandmother/her godmother.
What does she do? She pulls two pairs of pumps from behind her back--one sequined red and one sequined black. Now, these shoes had four in heels. (Note: probably because yesterday in dance class, I was practicing my strut, which I think I've gotten down pretty well)
She tells me to put them on because they'll be a better disguise if I dress exactly like her. And we go into Arden B and she gives me the black sequined spaghetti strap dress that in real life, I happened to have bought from Arden B during their Black Friday "Buy One Get One Free" sale. So I go into the backroom and put it on.
And I look hot.
And now she wants me to go through the foodcourt to wash my hands in the bathroom. And I say "Are you crazy? If your boyfriend sees me, I'm dead." And she says I won't have to worry because there are so many people in the foodcourt her boyfriend won't see me.
She's right. Instead of assassins waiting to take me out, I see a lot of my classmates (which I do on all mall trips). And they wave at me and ask me what's up, COMPLETELY oblivious to the murder plot about to happen in two hours.
So, okay, great.
I go back to Arden B and the girl assassin gives me an AK-47 and tells me that we need to take down her boyfriend/whoever tries to kill my Grandma before they can get to their posts inside Arden B. So we have our rifles ready and we're sitting in the display window waiting for the assassin boyfriend and his friends to walk in--
--and I woke up.
I know, right? LAME. I was dying to know what happened, but it was alrady 7:57 which meant I had 3 hours to study 11 more sections of math. In fact, I'm going to go and do that now.
First of all, dream interpretation:
"To dream that you are a witness to an assassin, indicates that you need to pay more attention to some small detail. Do not overlook the seemingly insignificant things in life."
Wow, ties right in to the french fry business, huh?
"To dream that you are a hero, signifies your inner strength and weaknesses. The dream refers to your ability, determination and level of confidence. You have the power to bravely face the secrets of your unconscious and confront life's challenges."
"To dream that you are a spy, indicates your mistrust of others and your tendency to be in everyone's business and affairs. Perhaps you have recently stumbled upon some information that was not meant for your eyes."
"To see or wear a dress in your dream, represents a feminine outlook or feminine perspective on a situation. You are freely expressing your femininity. If you are a man and dream that you are wearing a dress, suggests that others are questioning your sexuality. Or that you are feeling sexually insecure."
"To see or wear stilettos in your dream, signify female sexuality and domination."
"To see a gun in your dream, symbolizes aggression, anger, and potential danger. You may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence."
I have one hour left to finish studying for this freaking Calculus final. Wish me luck!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Owls!!!
Okay--this is the cutest thing ever.
So I walked into Urban Outfitters the other day, and I found this little basket that was full of owls. The cutest owls ever. They weren't outrageously expensive, and it's almost Christmas. I owe my friends gifts that are cute (just like them) that'll make them smile and think of me whenever they see them. These owls were perfect.
So I decided to buy all of them.
Bear in mind--everyone else is here for the designer dresses or boots/scarves, some of the coolest winter fashion ever. Imagine the cashier's face when I piled 11 little pastel-colored stuffed owls up at register. Shopping lines are deadly this close to Christmas, and my arms were getting sore from hugging all those owls without dropping them. I kind of just...let them spill on the desk. And they rolled around a bit. So freaking unbelievably CUTE.
I think the guy working at the desk just stared for a second, and then he said something like, "That's a lot of owls." To which I replied cheerfully, "Yup." So I took home 11 owls.
And then I realized they were too cute to give up. So I'm keeping 5 of them. I got my other friends (who aren't getting owls) scarves.
The green owls are my favorite. The tag on it says "Harley+Boss" (that's the brand I assume) and then "This is not a toy, it's for adult collectors." And then this is what gets me. At the bottom it says "Made in China" but at the top it says "ToyTokyo." So it's not a toy but it's made by a company called ToyTokyo. And It's ToyTokyo but it's made in China. Hmm...
So I walked into Urban Outfitters the other day, and I found this little basket that was full of owls. The cutest owls ever. They weren't outrageously expensive, and it's almost Christmas. I owe my friends gifts that are cute (just like them) that'll make them smile and think of me whenever they see them. These owls were perfect.
So I decided to buy all of them.
Bear in mind--everyone else is here for the designer dresses or boots/scarves, some of the coolest winter fashion ever. Imagine the cashier's face when I piled 11 little pastel-colored stuffed owls up at register. Shopping lines are deadly this close to Christmas, and my arms were getting sore from hugging all those owls without dropping them. I kind of just...let them spill on the desk. And they rolled around a bit. So freaking unbelievably CUTE.
I think the guy working at the desk just stared for a second, and then he said something like, "That's a lot of owls." To which I replied cheerfully, "Yup." So I took home 11 owls.
And then I realized they were too cute to give up. So I'm keeping 5 of them. I got my other friends (who aren't getting owls) scarves.
The green owls are my favorite. The tag on it says "Harley+Boss" (that's the brand I assume) and then "This is not a toy, it's for adult collectors." And then this is what gets me. At the bottom it says "Made in China" but at the top it says "ToyTokyo." So it's not a toy but it's made by a company called ToyTokyo. And It's ToyTokyo but it's made in China. Hmm...
The three different colors. There was only 1 yellow left.
Everyone tumbling out of the bag.
Group photo.
Awwwwww!
And then I looked at the bag again and realized that I forgot one!!!
Everybody.
Yeah, I know. I'm totally crazy to get so excited over a bunch of stuffed owls and snap a million photos of them on my phone. But I'm so excited about them!!! Partly because of the sheer randomness. The five I'm keeping are sitting on my desk right now against the tissue box and the calendar. One of them is tangled in my AC adapter cord. They are so unbelievably cute!!! I don't think I've been this excited over stuffed animals since I was three...
On the subject of randomness and photos, I also need to share my anglerfish experience.
I had this totally whacked conversation with Michelle last night. I'm not sure what made me so hyper, but we were webcamming. And then we split off (with the webcam still on). I worked on TRTP while Mich IMed guys on GChat while we shared music through the Yahoo! Messenger box (That's what I love about YIM. You can watch videos together).
And then randomly, I decided to become an anglerfish! (Which means, I tied a small lock hair up and attached a tea light to it--an electronic tea light. For a second, Mich thought I lit my hair on fire.) I can only tell you one thing: Being an anglerfish is awesome.
Today, when I was driving down Highway 280 (I think), I saw the sign that said "Adopt a Highway: A Random Act of Kindness." I went home and searched up what A Random Act of Kindness was. I discovered RAK. It's awesome. Check it out.
Hmm. I think from now until Christmas, I'm going to try one of those out every day. The only one I don't agree with is "Clean up graffiti." I know graffiti is wrong and it's a form of vandalism, but I'm an urban decay girl and to me, graffiti is pretty and artistic.
RAK also has inspirational quotes. Here's one:
"Remember that you are needed. There is at least one important work to be done that will not be done unless you do it." -Charles L. Allen
And on that note, time for me to finish studying Calculus. Tomorrow is the last day of formal school for 2010. And then four finals and I'm FREE.
Yay.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Best Detentions Ever
Location: Desk (That's in the Awesome Possum Bedroom)
Music: "Only Girl in the World" by Rihanna
Mood: Bouncy *smiley fox*
I thought I'd share this website. Best (or worst, arguably) detentions ever. This actually came up because of a paragraph in TRTP where I was describing a ridiculous detention. I ended up settling for wearing a t-shirt that said "Leave me alone."
:)
Which of course, made me think of MY best detention. I think it was one day when I was late for school because it was raining outside, and I walked to school without an umbrella. Not even nearly as epic as the ones on the Huffington Post.
So... dreams for yesterday night. I dreamed of rocky road ice cream. And then buying strawberry mochi because the ice cream container didn't contain enough for the party I was throwing for JCL.
Again, this is stress related. Originally, the other JCL officers and I divided the food up into two categories: ice cream and stuff you pile ice cream on (e.g. brownies, pizookies, you get the point). I was busy with work, so I asked my grandma (who was visiting) to buy some ice cream for me. She said okay.
She ended up buying cinnamon rolls.
Thus in my nightmare, only one other officer showed up with a tiny carton of ice cream. I went "ACH. How are 20 people gonna eat that???" So, in the nightmare I went to Ranch 99 and bought strawberry mochi.
The dream dictionary says:
"To see or eat ice cream in your dream, denotes good luck, pleasure, success in love and satisfaction with your life. You need to savor the moment and enjoy it. Alternatively, the dream may suggest that you need to cool off and not let your temper get out of hand. On the other hand, the ice cream may be a pun on "I scream". Perhaps there is something that you need to let out."
Cool. Supposing the first part holds true, I'm waiting for this "success in love" and "satisfaction with your life" to show up. :P I guess it did, because I got to work on TRTP today while blasting music on a YIM window with Mich and discussing the meaning of life. Best way to spend my night.
As for the "I scream" interpretation, there are many things I want to scream about. For example, "EVERYONE IS MORE THAN A NUMBER"--on a test, on a scale, whatever. Worth is not determined by numbers.
My new favorite song is "Papa Can You Hear Me?" by N-Dubz. It's my sound track whenever I'm having a bad day, which I did today. And that's totally wierd, because we screamed and played freeze tag and acted like kindergarteners in Biology today. And that's awesome.
Music: "Only Girl in the World" by Rihanna
Mood: Bouncy *smiley fox*
I thought I'd share this website. Best (or worst, arguably) detentions ever. This actually came up because of a paragraph in TRTP where I was describing a ridiculous detention. I ended up settling for wearing a t-shirt that said "Leave me alone."
:)
Which of course, made me think of MY best detention. I think it was one day when I was late for school because it was raining outside, and I walked to school without an umbrella. Not even nearly as epic as the ones on the Huffington Post.
So... dreams for yesterday night. I dreamed of rocky road ice cream. And then buying strawberry mochi because the ice cream container didn't contain enough for the party I was throwing for JCL.
Again, this is stress related. Originally, the other JCL officers and I divided the food up into two categories: ice cream and stuff you pile ice cream on (e.g. brownies, pizookies, you get the point). I was busy with work, so I asked my grandma (who was visiting) to buy some ice cream for me. She said okay.
She ended up buying cinnamon rolls.
Thus in my nightmare, only one other officer showed up with a tiny carton of ice cream. I went "ACH. How are 20 people gonna eat that???" So, in the nightmare I went to Ranch 99 and bought strawberry mochi.
The dream dictionary says:
"To see or eat ice cream in your dream, denotes good luck, pleasure, success in love and satisfaction with your life. You need to savor the moment and enjoy it. Alternatively, the dream may suggest that you need to cool off and not let your temper get out of hand. On the other hand, the ice cream may be a pun on "I scream". Perhaps there is something that you need to let out."
Cool. Supposing the first part holds true, I'm waiting for this "success in love" and "satisfaction with your life" to show up. :P I guess it did, because I got to work on TRTP today while blasting music on a YIM window with Mich and discussing the meaning of life. Best way to spend my night.
As for the "I scream" interpretation, there are many things I want to scream about. For example, "EVERYONE IS MORE THAN A NUMBER"--on a test, on a scale, whatever. Worth is not determined by numbers.
My new favorite song is "Papa Can You Hear Me?" by N-Dubz. It's my sound track whenever I'm having a bad day, which I did today. And that's totally wierd, because we screamed and played freeze tag and acted like kindergarteners in Biology today. And that's awesome.
^ Isn't that the most AWESOME building ever? It actually exists. In New Orleans off the Mississippi River. Urban decay for the win. This photo was taken by Briantmurphy.
Btw, did I mention that once, I accidentally said the Mississippi River was in New York (and meant it on accident)? TO a history teacher? In front of 32 people? And not my history teacher--he was subbing. Very embarassing.
One more funny moment--a few weeks back at the mall, I was eating in the food court. This little kid was sitting next to me with his parents. Every time his parents weren't looking, he would reach over with his fork and steal my food. Like, he would just poke his fork into my southwest chicken pasta salad and eat it. And it happened like 10 times. I had no idea what to do, so I just sat there. Very awkward.
Okay, it's 3:45 a.m. and I need to be at the gym by 7:50 tomorrow morning. Good night!
P.S. I considered making a label called "funny," but I think all my posts contain something funny. (I try, anyways). Just in case you care about the deep thought process behind my labels.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Urban Decay
Location: Desk (That's in the Awesome Possum Bedroom)
Music: "Don't Cry for me Argentina" by Glee Cast
Mood: Chipper *grinning fox*
All right. Ten minute post because it's almost 1 a.m. and I have to get up at 6 a.m. tomorrow morning to study.
I checked out Catching Fire and Mockingjay by Susanne Collins in one shot today. From the library, thus saving $33.98 that I can otherwise spend on even more books! I also happened to shoot a plastic discus halfway across the library and succeed in getting it stuck behind a bookshelf. (Oops) I didn't know it'd fly so far! And so fast! I'll ask the librarian to help me get it out tomorrow when she comes back. (In case you are wondering what I was doing with a plastic discus, it was a Christmas gift from someone.)
The night before yesterday night I had a REALLY NERDY dream involving calculus and biology, so I ignored it and pretended it never happened. My dream mind keeps screaming Finals! Finals! Finals! at me, so today I dreamed of...
An iguana.
And some other stuff, that I saved in a OneNote doc on my new Windows 7 phone. And they are...eyes. And a shirt (rather, taking off a shirt. NOT INAPPROPRIATELY. I was in the locker room at my gym before showering.) I guess I'll censor this post anyways. Moving on--
The dream dictionary has to say:
"To see an iguana in your dream, represents harshness, cold-heartedness or fierceness. You approach situations or problems with both hostility and unstoppable determination. The iguana may also remind you of someone or some situation in your waking life that you find frightening yet awe inspiring."
"To see your own eyes in your dream, represent enlightenment, knowledge, comprehension, understanding, and intellectual awareness. Unconscious thoughts may be coming onto the surface. The left eye is symbolic of the moon, while the right eye represents the sun. It may also be a pun on "I" or the self."
(Too bad I don't remember the context of the eye dream...my note simply said "eye")
"To dream that you are stripping, indicates repression of your personal and physical desires. You are yearning for greater self-expression [...] Alternatively, the dream may be a pun on being "stripped" of something that you valued or cherished."
So, iguana= unstoppable determination/fierceness/coldness. Finals maybe? Or my determination to finish TRTP. Or the fact that I'm trying too hard in my English class.
Eyes= enlightement/knowledge. I really wish I remember the context of that part of the dream... Finals again?
And finally, changing at the gym= yearning for greater self expression. Maybe related to everything that gets in the way of me working on TRTP. Or trying too hard in English class.
Recurring themes: Finals. TRTP. Trying too hard in English class.
What do these stressors have to do with urban decay as the title of this post indicates?
Well, I have this huge thing for urban decay (as in dead cities, not the makeup brand, although I am also a HUGE fan of Urban Decay makeup). Destroyed cities and abandoned places are a pretty obvious theme in TRTP, what with all the alleys and abandoned subway stations and the burning gangfights in the Downside. I was stuck on a scene today--I'd begun to run out of things you'd find in dead cities. I'd used overturned cars, mangled bicycles, burning stuff, etc. Usually when I'm stuck, I google terms or look them up on DeviantArt to get my brain rolling--so, that's what I did.
I found these two AWESOME collections of images. The first is 100 Captivating Examples of Urban Decay Photography. There's also The Beauty of Urban Decay.
Aren't they so pretty? A picture can't take my breath away. But the ruins of a once-beautiful city can. And that's what all these pictures are. If you've read Ch24 of TRTP, you'll find a lot of these images familiar--that is, if I've managed to capture their essence in written language. But, I'm serious. I had chills looking at some of those photographs. They were so pretty!
I also realize that I work really well when I'm listening to ballads (usually sung by the Glee cast). Tomorrow I need to share my playlist for TRTP.
Btw, sometimes it's good to just take it easy.
I'm really. Really. Really. Really burned out. I can't work anymore. Life tends to get this way towards the end of the semester. I keep finding myself sitting around just staring at the same line over and over on a textbook and absorbing nothing. It sucks, and it's also the source of many panic attacks and freaking out. I'm getting better at dealing with it though. I had a Biology exam today and couldn't get any studying in last night.
I didn't let myself freak out.
I went to sleep instead and set my alarm to 6:23 and 6:39 as always. And as of every day every week since after Thanksgiving break, I missed both alarms--something else that tends to happen towards the end of semester. No human can survive on 4 hours of sleep for that long...
Instead, I got up at 7:08. I took out my contacts, made a mozarella+spinach+bacon sandwich with my favorite 12 grain bread, and sat down at my laptop. I studied from 7:08 to 7:40 when I had to leave for my first class (I wasn't late today for the first time since after Thanksgiving when I started oversleeping!)
And then I studied discreetly during my first class when nobody was looking.
And then I studied at lunch for 20 minutes.
I walked into my exam without very high expectations.
I scored a 100%.
:)
Sometimes, you just need to relax. I mean, I've been paying attention in class, doing all the assignments... "Striving for excellence is great! Striving for perfection will only make your life miserable." My history teacher told me that sophomore year.
I'll top it off with a Christmas LOLcat.
Music: "Don't Cry for me Argentina" by Glee Cast
Mood: Chipper *grinning fox*
All right. Ten minute post because it's almost 1 a.m. and I have to get up at 6 a.m. tomorrow morning to study.
I checked out Catching Fire and Mockingjay by Susanne Collins in one shot today. From the library, thus saving $33.98 that I can otherwise spend on even more books! I also happened to shoot a plastic discus halfway across the library and succeed in getting it stuck behind a bookshelf. (Oops) I didn't know it'd fly so far! And so fast! I'll ask the librarian to help me get it out tomorrow when she comes back. (In case you are wondering what I was doing with a plastic discus, it was a Christmas gift from someone.)
The night before yesterday night I had a REALLY NERDY dream involving calculus and biology, so I ignored it and pretended it never happened. My dream mind keeps screaming Finals! Finals! Finals! at me, so today I dreamed of...
An iguana.
And some other stuff, that I saved in a OneNote doc on my new Windows 7 phone. And they are...eyes. And a shirt (rather, taking off a shirt. NOT INAPPROPRIATELY. I was in the locker room at my gym before showering.) I guess I'll censor this post anyways. Moving on--
The dream dictionary has to say:
"To see an iguana in your dream, represents harshness, cold-heartedness or fierceness. You approach situations or problems with both hostility and unstoppable determination. The iguana may also remind you of someone or some situation in your waking life that you find frightening yet awe inspiring."
"To see your own eyes in your dream, represent enlightenment, knowledge, comprehension, understanding, and intellectual awareness. Unconscious thoughts may be coming onto the surface. The left eye is symbolic of the moon, while the right eye represents the sun. It may also be a pun on "I" or the self."
(Too bad I don't remember the context of the eye dream...my note simply said "eye")
"To dream that you are stripping, indicates repression of your personal and physical desires. You are yearning for greater self-expression [...] Alternatively, the dream may be a pun on being "stripped" of something that you valued or cherished."
So, iguana= unstoppable determination/fierceness/coldness. Finals maybe? Or my determination to finish TRTP. Or the fact that I'm trying too hard in my English class.
Eyes= enlightement/knowledge. I really wish I remember the context of that part of the dream... Finals again?
And finally, changing at the gym= yearning for greater self expression. Maybe related to everything that gets in the way of me working on TRTP. Or trying too hard in English class.
Recurring themes: Finals. TRTP. Trying too hard in English class.
What do these stressors have to do with urban decay as the title of this post indicates?
Well, I have this huge thing for urban decay (as in dead cities, not the makeup brand, although I am also a HUGE fan of Urban Decay makeup). Destroyed cities and abandoned places are a pretty obvious theme in TRTP, what with all the alleys and abandoned subway stations and the burning gangfights in the Downside. I was stuck on a scene today--I'd begun to run out of things you'd find in dead cities. I'd used overturned cars, mangled bicycles, burning stuff, etc. Usually when I'm stuck, I google terms or look them up on DeviantArt to get my brain rolling--so, that's what I did.
I found these two AWESOME collections of images. The first is 100 Captivating Examples of Urban Decay Photography. There's also The Beauty of Urban Decay.
Aren't they so pretty? A picture can't take my breath away. But the ruins of a once-beautiful city can. And that's what all these pictures are. If you've read Ch24 of TRTP, you'll find a lot of these images familiar--that is, if I've managed to capture their essence in written language. But, I'm serious. I had chills looking at some of those photographs. They were so pretty!
I also realize that I work really well when I'm listening to ballads (usually sung by the Glee cast). Tomorrow I need to share my playlist for TRTP.
Btw, sometimes it's good to just take it easy.
I'm really. Really. Really. Really burned out. I can't work anymore. Life tends to get this way towards the end of the semester. I keep finding myself sitting around just staring at the same line over and over on a textbook and absorbing nothing. It sucks, and it's also the source of many panic attacks and freaking out. I'm getting better at dealing with it though. I had a Biology exam today and couldn't get any studying in last night.
I didn't let myself freak out.
I went to sleep instead and set my alarm to 6:23 and 6:39 as always. And as of every day every week since after Thanksgiving break, I missed both alarms--something else that tends to happen towards the end of semester. No human can survive on 4 hours of sleep for that long...
Instead, I got up at 7:08. I took out my contacts, made a mozarella+spinach+bacon sandwich with my favorite 12 grain bread, and sat down at my laptop. I studied from 7:08 to 7:40 when I had to leave for my first class (I wasn't late today for the first time since after Thanksgiving when I started oversleeping!)
And then I studied discreetly during my first class when nobody was looking.
And then I studied at lunch for 20 minutes.
I walked into my exam without very high expectations.
I scored a 100%.
:)
Sometimes, you just need to relax. I mean, I've been paying attention in class, doing all the assignments... "Striving for excellence is great! Striving for perfection will only make your life miserable." My history teacher told me that sophomore year.
I'll top it off with a Christmas LOLcat.
:). TGIF.
...P.S. My ten minute post turned into a 40 minute post. How did that even HAPPEN???
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Manifestation of Stress
Music: (I've Had) The Time of My Life by Glee Cast/Dirty Dancing
Mood: Elated *Insert smiling fox*
Location: Desk (That's in the Awesome Possum Bedroom)
I have successfully imported all my posts from LJ to Blogger. I didn't think it was possible. A big thank you to Livejournal2Blogger. They really rock. I'm not really new to Blogger because I used to have a blog here. I kind of miss the icon-driven-ness of LJ, but then again, I missed my widgets and my custom templates and my followers box more ;).
On to my day...
I never knew you were supposed to tip the newspaper boy. He's been leaving cards on my doorstep. I think he's left 3 by now... I didn't get it until today (I'm relatively new to this newspaper delivery business). I had to google "newspaper carrier christmas card" to figure all this out. Well, I stuffed $15 in the envelope he left, added a pretty thank you card, and drew a huge smiley face on the front of the envelope. Hope that makes up for it... I'm so ignorant ;).
As for that Scarlet Letter essay, I FINALLY finished it. I sacrificed lunch for my violin audition. And then I had an hour and 15 until my next class, during which I frantically wrote. Towards the end, it's REALLY CRAPPY quality and I totally screwed up my MLA citations. But at that point, I was so tired, I really didn't care.
I'm sad. :( I had an A+ in English. We'll see how all this goes...
On the bright side, I finally got my Borders gift card!!! I already know what I'm spending it on. Last Sacrifice by Richelle Mead. That series is amazing. So sad that it's coming to an end.
P.S. Don't you think the slide show at the top of this blog is so pretty? :)
Mood: Elated *Insert smiling fox*
Location: Desk (That's in the Awesome Possum Bedroom)
I have successfully imported all my posts from LJ to Blogger. I didn't think it was possible. A big thank you to Livejournal2Blogger. They really rock. I'm not really new to Blogger because I used to have a blog here. I kind of miss the icon-driven-ness of LJ, but then again, I missed my widgets and my custom templates and my followers box more ;).
On to my day...
I never knew you were supposed to tip the newspaper boy. He's been leaving cards on my doorstep. I think he's left 3 by now... I didn't get it until today (I'm relatively new to this newspaper delivery business). I had to google "newspaper carrier christmas card" to figure all this out. Well, I stuffed $15 in the envelope he left, added a pretty thank you card, and drew a huge smiley face on the front of the envelope. Hope that makes up for it... I'm so ignorant ;).
As for that Scarlet Letter essay, I FINALLY finished it. I sacrificed lunch for my violin audition. And then I had an hour and 15 until my next class, during which I frantically wrote. Towards the end, it's REALLY CRAPPY quality and I totally screwed up my MLA citations. But at that point, I was so tired, I really didn't care.
I'm sad. :( I had an A+ in English. We'll see how all this goes...
On the bright side, I finally got my Borders gift card!!! I already know what I'm spending it on. Last Sacrifice by Richelle Mead. That series is amazing. So sad that it's coming to an end.
P.S. Don't you think the slide show at the top of this blog is so pretty? :)
Crazy Dreams
So I learn from the ad at the top of my LJ that the University of Farmers is releasing a series of what looks like...HORROR films? Wow. No comments there.
On the other hand, today, my friend and I were having a discussion about dreams (I was telling her about my dream dictionary fiasco Sunday night. See previous post). And crazy dreams. The other day (Thanksgiving Day to be precise), I was sitting outside Starbucks when I overheard this guy talking to his girlfriend. He was a pressure point specialist or something, because he was telling her that if you put a patch or acupuncture needle in the middle of your forehead where your third eye is, you'll have crazy dreams every night. Apparently, some people in Europe wear a patch there every night just to have crazy dreams. It's crazy, right?
My friend and I deduced one thing: we don't need patches to have crazy dreams. Stress and not enough sleep give you that. I'm not sure if it's just us, but I--for one--ENJOY having crazy dreams. I've been having a lot lately considering how finals are next week and we're getting to the end of semester. I have issues remembering some of them, especially since half the time I wake up, the same thing happens. This happens:
1. What happened to the hot assassin stalking me?
2. Why am I in a room with open binders all over the floor?
3. I glance at alarm clock.
4. It's ringing, and I've missed both alarms, the first one at 6:23 and the second one at 6:39.
5. In fact, it's 7:49 and I have 11 minutes to get to class.
6. Oh shit.
Yeah. That happened to me today. Remember that Scarlet Letter (not Scarlett) essay I was telling you about? I still haven't finished it.
I'm just so burned out. Yesterday I was just standing outside the bathroom staring at the wall when my friend tapped me on the shoulder and was like "Uh...you've been standing here staring at that wall for like...10 minutes."
I didn't even notice.
That's how tired I am. I haven't even started studying for finals yet. (Nobody has. We're all so dead.)
On the other hand, I just got 2 detentions for being late to my 1st class 4 times in a row. (You get 1 detention for the 1st three and then 1 attention for every late after that) I'm doing mine today and Friday.)
On the other hand, today, my friend and I were having a discussion about dreams (I was telling her about my dream dictionary fiasco Sunday night. See previous post). And crazy dreams. The other day (Thanksgiving Day to be precise), I was sitting outside Starbucks when I overheard this guy talking to his girlfriend. He was a pressure point specialist or something, because he was telling her that if you put a patch or acupuncture needle in the middle of your forehead where your third eye is, you'll have crazy dreams every night. Apparently, some people in Europe wear a patch there every night just to have crazy dreams. It's crazy, right?
My friend and I deduced one thing: we don't need patches to have crazy dreams. Stress and not enough sleep give you that. I'm not sure if it's just us, but I--for one--ENJOY having crazy dreams. I've been having a lot lately considering how finals are next week and we're getting to the end of semester. I have issues remembering some of them, especially since half the time I wake up, the same thing happens. This happens:
1. What happened to the hot assassin stalking me?
2. Why am I in a room with open binders all over the floor?
3. I glance at alarm clock.
4. It's ringing, and I've missed both alarms, the first one at 6:23 and the second one at 6:39.
5. In fact, it's 7:49 and I have 11 minutes to get to class.
6. Oh shit.
Yeah. That happened to me today. Remember that Scarlet Letter (not Scarlett) essay I was telling you about? I still haven't finished it.
I'm just so burned out. Yesterday I was just standing outside the bathroom staring at the wall when my friend tapped me on the shoulder and was like "Uh...you've been standing here staring at that wall for like...10 minutes."
I didn't even notice.
That's how tired I am. I haven't even started studying for finals yet. (Nobody has. We're all so dead.)
On the other hand, I just got 2 detentions for being late to my 1st class 4 times in a row. (You get 1 detention for the 1st three and then 1 attention for every late after that) I'm doing mine today and Friday.)
But you know what? Rather than stress out about it, I checked out The Replacement by Brenna Yovanoff from the library and I'm gonna see how far I can plow through it in 45 minutes. (Btw concerning the word "plow," British people spell it "plough" while Americans use "plow." I use both interchangeably. Juts an interesting piece of info) Yeah, I've been dying to read The Replacement. The librarian told me how ecstatic she was about it when I checked it out, although she didn't have time to read it yet.
When I discovered they had this at school last night (and to think I used to call school library catalogs stupid), I did a little happy dance. I mean, that's $16.99 I just saved from buying from Borders, man!!! Every Borders Gift Card is sacred. I also see that whoever borrowed Suzanne Collins' Catching Fire has FINALLY RETURNED IT. Now I just have to find it in the library. It's not next to The Hunger Games in the "C" shelf. I'll need the librarian's help on this one... If I can find it, and if someone returns one of the 2 Mockingjay's, then that'll be about $34 more saved.
And did I mention that yesterday morning, someone kicked over the starbucks delivered by my cheer team? They put it on my chair, and a guy (on accident and I 100% forgive him) knocked it over. It was a green tea latte. Quite interesting to see such a puddle of opaque lime green on the floor. Took the efforts of 5 people to clean up. Don't think I'll be ordering that flavor anytime soon.
Now, don't you wish that:
Maybe I'll try this job out in detention if I get tired.
Either way, I need a break from staying up till 2 a.m. studying.
And now, time to cross 2 streets to detention in Room 6. And I have no idea where it is. Or whose room it is.
BUT...I get to read The Replacement!!! :) See? Everything can be positive if you make it that way. I'm proud I didn't let myself get let down this time ;). I'm getting there.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Rainy Day
So, some interesting things from today:
1. If you dream about asparagus, something unpleasant will happen. (http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=asparagus)
2. They sell purple Christmas trees at Borders. They were also 30% off. I wonder why...
2.5 Met a really cool staff worker at Borders. She introduced me to a book that made it to my TBR list.
3. Our neighbors have started smoking again, and the smoke filters through my balcony window and kills me.
4. I have a To Be Read list ready!!! Can't wait to go out to Borders and buy all that stuff once I amass enough gift cards from Secret Santas and such.
5. Halfway through Clockwork Angel by Cassandre Clare, and I'm LOVING IT!!! It took a few chapters for the action to really start rolling, but once it did, I can't put that book down!
6. The hazelnut praline crunch topping from Pinkberry is DEATHLY GOOD, even if they charge you an extra 50 cents for it. So is the pumpkin froyo.
7. There's this little cafe in Santana Row with the BEST mini creme brulees ever.
8. This is about yesterday, but I attended Mom's Microsoft party in SF last night. Not as fun to be the only teenager dancing in a sea of adults.
9. Thanks to Glee, I'm now addicted to "The Time of My Life" from Dirty Dancing. Sam and Quinn are the best. And Santana's hot despite her evilness.
Okay, so the story behind the story about the asparagus. :P I have an option from 5 promps for my essay on The Scarlet Letter. Since I didn't start this essay until 11 p.m. the night before it was due (which was approx. 57 minutes ago), I decided to go with the easiest topic, which was to pick a word that started with "A" that we thought the literal scarlet letter stood for. I googled "cool words that start with a" and ended up at a dream dictionary with REALLY COOL WORDS such as abalone, acne, abortion, and the abominable snowman. I also ready about pin cushions and platypi (platypuses?).
Okay. I really need to stop so i can get back to work. :P
Before that, quick update on TRTP. I didn't win NaNo :( I deleted too much stuff along the way and school ante-Finals is like HELL. I ended at a sad net count of somewhere around 25,000 words? Halfway. Eek. I also, right after that, scrapped 23 pages and rewrote them. I'm 2 pages away from finishing those re-written 23 pages now. Let's just say that recently, my google searches have included items such as "mangled bicycle, burning christmas tree, dead tree, burning city, destroyed city, destroyed city with tiger, broken telephone pole, overturned jeep." You get my gist. And I must've watched the music video for "Run This Town" three times (I know, that's barely anything--but usually I only listen to music in the background while I write. I never scrutinize every detail such as exactly how the backup dancers clap their tin crowbars together)
I'm happy with what I got done though!
And now I have to finish my TSL essay. So far I have 13 words, aka an MLA header and the title which says "To Be Announced."
XPPPPP It's just kind of impossible to write an English essay after I wrote/extensively edited 10 pages of TRTP yesterday and Friday.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
By Myself
I'd say that 3/4 of my friends are on crash diets right now. Sitting with them at lunch hurts. This is something that sucks about being an eating disorder survivor.
On the bright side, boys continue to look at me. And smile at me :) They didn't do that when I had an eating disorder.
More than that, my real friends (namely Michelle) are my friends because of my personality. If I weighed 300 pounds, she would still be my friend.
I'm reading Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver right now, and it's the best book I've picked up all year. (Yeah, I'm reading again. For 30 minutes a day no matter how late I have to stay up. Reading is the best way to learn about writing--although my writing class is freaking awesome as well) It's about discovering what's TRULY important.
And right now I'm thinking back to a fight I had with my grandma last night and how I shouldn't have said some of the things I said. Yeah, I needed a reality check. And I got one!
I'm also dreaming about Jamba Juice's new pumpkin smash smoothie. I'm not going to mention the calorie content, even though that was the first thing I searched after the first divine sip. ARGH. Some habits are just so hard to break.
But I'm fighting! And I'll keep fighting! Until I'm healed. Watch me do it.
Okay, TSL. Bring it. I'll probably just read 20 pages and then work on Downside.
On the bright side, boys continue to look at me. And smile at me :) They didn't do that when I had an eating disorder.
More than that, my real friends (namely Michelle) are my friends because of my personality. If I weighed 300 pounds, she would still be my friend.
I'm reading Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver right now, and it's the best book I've picked up all year. (Yeah, I'm reading again. For 30 minutes a day no matter how late I have to stay up. Reading is the best way to learn about writing--although my writing class is freaking awesome as well) It's about discovering what's TRULY important.
And right now I'm thinking back to a fight I had with my grandma last night and how I shouldn't have said some of the things I said. Yeah, I needed a reality check. And I got one!
I'm also dreaming about Jamba Juice's new pumpkin smash smoothie. I'm not going to mention the calorie content, even though that was the first thing I searched after the first divine sip. ARGH. Some habits are just so hard to break.
But I'm fighting! And I'll keep fighting! Until I'm healed. Watch me do it.
Okay, TSL. Bring it. I'll probably just read 20 pages and then work on Downside.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Revelations
I am laughing hysterically right now.
Out of happiness.
I just outlined the remaining 3/4 of TRTP in an hour and a half...on a policy debate flow template from summer camp before my freshman year (See? I KNEW that flow would come in handy one day...even if I stopped taking debate. It had colored columns and a nice font and alternating red and black text between boxes that made it easier to read). There are 48 more plot points that happen before the final showdown (and I've left 60ish pages for the final showdown). The completed product will be something around 430 pages.
Unfortunately, this means I'm going to have to delete a large part of what I wrote and rearrange all of it.
...Guess that kind of screws up NaNoWriMo, huh? Well... that's too bad.
I'm still delirious about what I accomplished. Yesssssssssssssssssssssss!
I'm freaking nervous too. I'm staring at that outline and asking myself how EVER am I going to accomplish all that? I'm already behind... by a LOT. And yet, it's super exciting!!!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Acceptance
I think I'm on my way to doing it!
And you ask, "Doing what?"
And I reply: learning to love myself for who I am and not focusing on the thin/fat/pretty/ugly and instead on how smart, witty, funny, and what a great writer (:P) I am. And how I work hard and I'm a fighter. I mean, I don't make friends with other people because of what they look like.
Tonight, I ate when I was hungry. And I ate what I wanted. And it was all healthy food because when I'm NOT starving myself, I don't crave junk food. And I feel great about myself. :)
And now let's get a chapter of history done so I can write.
And you ask, "Doing what?"
And I reply: learning to love myself for who I am and not focusing on the thin/fat/pretty/ugly and instead on how smart, witty, funny, and what a great writer (:P) I am. And how I work hard and I'm a fighter. I mean, I don't make friends with other people because of what they look like.
Tonight, I ate when I was hungry. And I ate what I wanted. And it was all healthy food because when I'm NOT starving myself, I don't crave junk food. And I feel great about myself. :)
And now let's get a chapter of history done so I can write.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Fortune Cookies
I have decided to start collecting the fortunes from fortune cookies. Mine from dinner today said "Luck is coming your way." :) My Mom's (which I'm keeping) says "The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it."
Today at dinner, I ate when I wasn't hungry. Which isn't really a big deal, except my mind is still kind of screwed over by ED.But I made myself think of the stranger today at the gym, who told me I looked great now that I was strong and not a stick. And strong people eat lots :). Either way, it's not about my body or the way I look. It's about who I am as a person.
That schedule I wrote in my previous post is messed up because I overslept. Instead of a 1 hour nap, it was a 3 hour nap. AHHHHH. Thank god for the time change. Okay. Let's pray I can finish my homework by 10:30 and write for an hour.
To work!
NaNo Day 7
Thank you to the stranger at the gym who came up to me today and told me he thought I looked great. He'd noticed me when I first started showing up 1.5 years ago--a feeble, skinny teenager who didn't even know how to lift a dumbell. And he told me that now, I looked strong and healthy and I was doing great and I should keep it up.
It made me smile. :)
You have no idea how thankful I am to all the strangers out there I've met or not met who have or will change my life. Here I was fumbling with the way my stomach looked in the mirror when a buff guy with tattoos came up and lifted the burden off my shoulders just a bit. It really meant something to me. I don't know what I would do without people like that in the world. They teach me more than textbooks and tests and Wikipedia.
As for NaNo, I finally fell behind the SUGGESTED word count, which is actually 5 pages ahead of my PERSONAL word count. (I was intending to write 90 pages in the first 3 weeks and then 100 in the last week when I had school off) So I'm aroud 8089 words right now. Hopefully I can bring it to 9000 tonight!!!
More updates to come. I think I'm gonna take a nap now. (Oooohhhhh-->if you looked at my mood, you probably noticed I was feeling "chipper" today. I didn't know what it meant until 2 seconds ago when I went on Urban Dictionary. "Happy or chirpy." That's EXACTLY what I was feeling. Here's to another word that means what it sounds like it means."
I'm also pretty sleepy. I just tried out for Fashion Show. Was one of 2 juniors who showed up. O.O Walked down the runway in high heels I never broke in. But I didn't think it went THAT bad. Okay,
4:30-5:30 SLEEP
6-7:30 DINNER
7:30-9:00 HOMEWORK
9:00-11:30 NANOWRIMO. ;))
It made me smile. :)
You have no idea how thankful I am to all the strangers out there I've met or not met who have or will change my life. Here I was fumbling with the way my stomach looked in the mirror when a buff guy with tattoos came up and lifted the burden off my shoulders just a bit. It really meant something to me. I don't know what I would do without people like that in the world. They teach me more than textbooks and tests and Wikipedia.
As for NaNo, I finally fell behind the SUGGESTED word count, which is actually 5 pages ahead of my PERSONAL word count. (I was intending to write 90 pages in the first 3 weeks and then 100 in the last week when I had school off) So I'm aroud 8089 words right now. Hopefully I can bring it to 9000 tonight!!!
More updates to come. I think I'm gonna take a nap now. (Oooohhhhh-->if you looked at my mood, you probably noticed I was feeling "chipper" today. I didn't know what it meant until 2 seconds ago when I went on Urban Dictionary. "Happy or chirpy." That's EXACTLY what I was feeling. Here's to another word that means what it sounds like it means."
I'm also pretty sleepy. I just tried out for Fashion Show. Was one of 2 juniors who showed up. O.O Walked down the runway in high heels I never broke in. But I didn't think it went THAT bad. Okay,
4:30-5:30 SLEEP
6-7:30 DINNER
7:30-9:00 HOMEWORK
9:00-11:30 NANOWRIMO. ;))
Thursday, November 4, 2010
NaNo Day 4
Oh man. It's WAY past my bedtime.
I'll just give a quick update on wordcount.
28,192/95,000 and 6749/50,000.
Wrote 1489 words today.
Up one percent form yesterday. Hmm...does that mean that if I continue at this pace, it'll be 70 more days until I reach 100%??? That would put my finish on January 7, 2011, give or take a few days. Seems about right, actually... Although I'd be AWESOME if I could finish before New Years'. Or Christmas (although that might be asking for too much ;P)
Okay, I really need to sleep now.
(If I don't faint from practicing violin first)
Oh wait, I think I just reversed the word order. What I mean to say was "Okay I really need to practice violin now" and "(If I don't faint from falling asleep first)"... You can probably tell, I'm about to keel over dead.
Oh no, I think my Mom's about to wake up and get mad at me for staying up so late. She loves me.
Good night!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
NaNo Day 3
Daily count: 1910 (although I think I just deleted 1 word...or did I add 1 word? Same difference, which isn't really a difference at all)
Total NaNo count: 5305/50,000
Total TRTP count: 26,725/95,000
Page count: 119/420
Here's the little word meter from Writertopia symbolizing my progress:
Up 1 percent from yesterday...
:)
And now I have to get up early morning to read chapter six of The SCARLET Letter. See? If I keep doing that, maybe I'll start spelling it right again.
Speaking of which, I was listening to "Anything but Ordinary" by Avril Lavigne, and it made me think of the first time I heard that song. Which I think was back in 7th or 8th grade when I was still writing fantasy stories with warriors and dragons and the classic good vs. evil plotline. I was obsessed with Smallville that one summer, which made me abandon my writing project. XPPPPP The lyrics that made me fall in love with the song: "Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out... and leave me here to bleed."
Totally applicable to TRTP. Not so much to dragons and warriors.
I'm adding this to my TRTP playlist, which I think has 19 songs at the moment, although I have no idea what I was thinking when I added half of those. Violin and zzz time now!
Scarlet/Scarlett
I hate working on TRTP at school. Even while I'm in the library, there are constantly people walking past and glancing over my shouder (Which is why as soon as lunch ended and my free period started, I moved to a back corner of the library...which was empty until these talkative senior girls invaded my space -_-. Well, it COULD be much worse, so I'm gonna deal)
This whole Scarlet/Scarlett thing continues to bug me. Nonetheless, I just finshed all things TSL (The Scarlet Letter- and I did it again, the "Scarlett" thing) related. I actually LOVE this book. We have a lot of chemistry, Hester Prynne and I. If only there was less homework regarding the book...
As for TRTP, I managed to fix up chapter 15 in Latin class today while simultaneously participating in a translation of Horace's Ode 1.1 That's the difficulty of being in a 3 people class. Everything you do is closely monitored. And yet, that's my laxest class, and therefore the best to work in. XP Sucks how I was like "Wh-what?" every time the teacher called on me and screwed up a few very eimple grammar constructions. It's okay. Horace is like the T.S. Eliot of Caesar's lifetime.
I have exactly 1 hour to get as much work done on TRTP as I can. Well...let's get started!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Hundredth Page Party!
Yeah! It's 12:26 a.m. and you know what I just realized? (After an on and off 20 minute violin practice session. In case you were wondering what I do during the "off" intervals, I sit on the floor and ruminate about TRTP. Typical, huh?) I REACHED PAGE ONE HUNDRED YESTERDAY. AND I DIDN'T NOTICE IN TERMS OF MY USUAL "OMG I'M ONE FOURTH OF THE WAY DONE!!!"
So I'll say it now.
I REACHED PAGE 100. Yes!!!
Okay, so what does that entail?
Here are some of the things it entails. I spelled "scarlet" in The Scarlet Letter wrong again today while I was writing my mini English essay. And I just spelled it wrong again while typing that a minute ago. Now I wish I chose Scarlet to be her name instead of Scarlett...but too late. I'd just watched Gone with the Wind when I added Scarlett's character to the story, so too bad. I did it on my pop quiz too last Wednesday... My teacher probably thinks I'm crazy.
Yay. And now ending on that positive note, my eyelids feel like rocks. Good night!
NaNo Day 2
Oh yeah!
I finished my homework during my free period today--just so I could come home and
1. Fix that scene from Ch13 that's been bothering me
2. GET TO WORK ON THOSE 50,000 WORDS!!!
I've changed my mind about my doubts. I'm GONNA MAKE IT this year. I'm so winning. Eff the fact that junior year practically skins you alive. I need to do this.
:)
On a related note, I was stuck on a description for my MC's mom's closet earlier, and I was listening to Hungover by Kesha. She happened to say "dirty laundry" and this lightbulb clicked off in my head. I was like "Oh! That's the PERFECT phrase." So I used it.
The Nano website claims I'm the equivalent of 2 days behind in word count, but that's only if I go by their linear graph. The graph doesn't take into account the fact that I have THANKSGIVING BREAK. What I wouldn't give to stay home all day and writewritewrite. It would feel heavenly.
Anyways, break over! Back to work.
Update 2 hours later:
YES! I am no longer 2 days behind. I am now 1 day behind and 1 day ahead...which I'm supposing evens out to just right?
3395/50000 and 24791/95000 aka 26% of the story written. Now at 109 pages out of what I'm guessing will be 400 pages. So far this NaNo (which isn't really that far), I've churned out a chapter a day.
Had a really good writing day today. Can only pray for the same tomorrow.
How about an inspirational LolCat?
Not really inspirational (unless you want to be a "cheezburger"), but still--killer cute!
And now I'm gonna practice 30 minutes of violin and go knock myself out.
:)
I finished my homework during my free period today--just so I could come home and
1. Fix that scene from Ch13 that's been bothering me
2. GET TO WORK ON THOSE 50,000 WORDS!!!
I've changed my mind about my doubts. I'm GONNA MAKE IT this year. I'm so winning. Eff the fact that junior year practically skins you alive. I need to do this.
:)
On a related note, I was stuck on a description for my MC's mom's closet earlier, and I was listening to Hungover by Kesha. She happened to say "dirty laundry" and this lightbulb clicked off in my head. I was like "Oh! That's the PERFECT phrase." So I used it.
The Nano website claims I'm the equivalent of 2 days behind in word count, but that's only if I go by their linear graph. The graph doesn't take into account the fact that I have THANKSGIVING BREAK. What I wouldn't give to stay home all day and writewritewrite. It would feel heavenly.
Anyways, break over! Back to work.
Update 2 hours later:
YES! I am no longer 2 days behind. I am now 1 day behind and 1 day ahead...which I'm supposing evens out to just right?
3395/50000 and 24791/95000 aka 26% of the story written. Now at 109 pages out of what I'm guessing will be 400 pages. So far this NaNo (which isn't really that far), I've churned out a chapter a day.
Had a really good writing day today. Can only pray for the same tomorrow.
How about an inspirational LolCat?
Not really inspirational (unless you want to be a "cheezburger"), but still--killer cute!
And now I'm gonna practice 30 minutes of violin and go knock myself out.
:)
Monday, November 1, 2010
November's Here!
National Novel Writing Month has finally touched down!!!
Update on my personal wordcount: 22,816 words out of 95,000. In terms of NaNo word count, 1,420 out of 50,000. And maybe if I'm lucky, I can write 3 more pages tonight!
Now I've got to take a one hour nap. Get up at 4 and go to cheer practice until 6:30. Come back and work on SCHOOLwork until 7:20 and then head off to kickboxing until 9:30 (includes showering and buying dinner). Come home, maybe do a bit more schoolwork until 10:30. And then write write write until 11:30.
I can actually be pretty productive when I'm zoned in. Or what do they call it in the movie The Social Network? "Wired in?"
Off to the nap!
Update on my personal wordcount: 22,816 words out of 95,000. In terms of NaNo word count, 1,420 out of 50,000. And maybe if I'm lucky, I can write 3 more pages tonight!
Now I've got to take a one hour nap. Get up at 4 and go to cheer practice until 6:30. Come back and work on SCHOOLwork until 7:20 and then head off to kickboxing until 9:30 (includes showering and buying dinner). Come home, maybe do a bit more schoolwork until 10:30. And then write write write until 11:30.
I can actually be pretty productive when I'm zoned in. Or what do they call it in the movie The Social Network? "Wired in?"
Off to the nap!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Almost NaNoWriMo!
Yay, I get to say that I started this blog on Halloween!
BOO.
I'm listening to Just Dance (Lady Gaga) right now, and it's bringing back so many memories from two summers ago. They're slightly painful, but they also make me smile. They make me think of running away to party with my best friend who I wasn't--and am still--not allowed to see. Two summers ago also happened to be when I got the raw idea for my current WIP. I still remember how nervous I was about starting because I thought the topic matter was too edgy. That was one of the reasons I eventually dropped the project.
:) Now, a year and a few months later, it's back, and it's rocking, baby.
Why is this relevant?
Because tomorrow the yearly writing marathon starts!
Even though the official rules say you have to start fresh, my goal is to add 50,000 words (that's 180 pages in my font and my spacing) to TRTP. It's going to be tricky with school, homework, cheer, and the 5 days a week that I spend at the gym, but I've got Thanksgiving break on my side!
I also made the hard decision to give in to my perfectionist personality this time and edit along the way. I know that I'll be frowned upon for saying that, but here's my theory:
If I want to edit, I'll stop and edit. If I want to keep writing, I will keep writing. If I feel like something's wrong with the plotline right now and I can't wait two months until I'm done with the story to fix it, I'll fix it right now.
The whole forget the inner editor during the first draft and come back to everything when you've finished the story doesn't work for me. I've tried about 40 times. And doing that, I only finished about 3 stories--and I only ever finished editing one of them.
I'm not advocating this is the best approach for everyone though. Everyone has what works for them. Although revision-and-going goes counter to almost all the advice I've ever gotten about writing, it's what works for me. So I'm sticking with it ;) I've never given in to that urge before, so let's see where this takes me. I'm also older and more mature than I was before, so that might also play into the whole process, but I'm not jumping to conclusions.
I also realized that my writing is at it's best while I'm constantly feeding myself books. My muse just doesn't work when I'm not constantly engaging in new worlds and new plots. Every time I read a new paragraph I've never seen before, I get this gush of adrenaline. It feels like heaven.
So what book did I pick up this time (with my awesome 40% Borders coupon that my mom found in her spam and forwarded to me? Speaking of which, I never have to print out coupons again! I found the coupon while I was eating lunch. When I made the trip to Borders a few stores down the lane, I just showed the clerk the coupon open on my IPhone and he was like "Cool." Hmm...that also means I can bring back the same coupon again and get another book 40% off...)
Back on track. The book is Crusade by Nancy Holder and Debbie Viguie.
The reviews I read on Amazon weren't amazing, and I was debating between Crusade and Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare, which has been on my TBR list for even longer. Clockwork Angel definitely has better reviews, and it made the NYT Bestseller List, but for some reason at the moment, when I saw the book trailer for Crusade and read the blurb on the back, I was attracted to it more. My book attractions fluctuate more than my attractions to boys.
Books cost more than boys though. I can only afford a book once every month/two months.
I just loved the idea of vampire hunters training in Spain with burning churches and insecurites and then coming home to find "home" transformed, as well as the incredibly diverse team that the main character, Jenn, is a part of. It's an apocalyptic urban fantasy, which was the main thing that got me. And the book trailer was fabulous.
So I decided to do the whole Do-What-You-Feel-You-Need-To-Do thing. Intuitive reading ;). I bought Crusade. (See? It's a theme in my life now.) And I'm begging all my friends for Borders coupons for Christmas so I can get Clockwork Angel and everything else on my TBR list.
So, update on work count. 95 pages and
I'm hoping I can get 5 more pages done today. That way I can start on page 100 and end at page 290 at the end of NaNoWriMo.
Exciting!!! Then, I'll only have about 100 pages left to go in December, after which I'll be...done.
BOO.
I'm listening to Just Dance (Lady Gaga) right now, and it's bringing back so many memories from two summers ago. They're slightly painful, but they also make me smile. They make me think of running away to party with my best friend who I wasn't--and am still--not allowed to see. Two summers ago also happened to be when I got the raw idea for my current WIP. I still remember how nervous I was about starting because I thought the topic matter was too edgy. That was one of the reasons I eventually dropped the project.
:) Now, a year and a few months later, it's back, and it's rocking, baby.
Why is this relevant?
Because tomorrow the yearly writing marathon starts!
Even though the official rules say you have to start fresh, my goal is to add 50,000 words (that's 180 pages in my font and my spacing) to TRTP. It's going to be tricky with school, homework, cheer, and the 5 days a week that I spend at the gym, but I've got Thanksgiving break on my side!
I also made the hard decision to give in to my perfectionist personality this time and edit along the way. I know that I'll be frowned upon for saying that, but here's my theory:
If I want to edit, I'll stop and edit. If I want to keep writing, I will keep writing. If I feel like something's wrong with the plotline right now and I can't wait two months until I'm done with the story to fix it, I'll fix it right now.
The whole forget the inner editor during the first draft and come back to everything when you've finished the story doesn't work for me. I've tried about 40 times. And doing that, I only finished about 3 stories--and I only ever finished editing one of them.
I'm not advocating this is the best approach for everyone though. Everyone has what works for them. Although revision-and-going goes counter to almost all the advice I've ever gotten about writing, it's what works for me. So I'm sticking with it ;) I've never given in to that urge before, so let's see where this takes me. I'm also older and more mature than I was before, so that might also play into the whole process, but I'm not jumping to conclusions.
I also realized that my writing is at it's best while I'm constantly feeding myself books. My muse just doesn't work when I'm not constantly engaging in new worlds and new plots. Every time I read a new paragraph I've never seen before, I get this gush of adrenaline. It feels like heaven.
So what book did I pick up this time (with my awesome 40% Borders coupon that my mom found in her spam and forwarded to me? Speaking of which, I never have to print out coupons again! I found the coupon while I was eating lunch. When I made the trip to Borders a few stores down the lane, I just showed the clerk the coupon open on my IPhone and he was like "Cool." Hmm...that also means I can bring back the same coupon again and get another book 40% off...)
Back on track. The book is Crusade by Nancy Holder and Debbie Viguie.
The reviews I read on Amazon weren't amazing, and I was debating between Crusade and Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare, which has been on my TBR list for even longer. Clockwork Angel definitely has better reviews, and it made the NYT Bestseller List, but for some reason at the moment, when I saw the book trailer for Crusade and read the blurb on the back, I was attracted to it more. My book attractions fluctuate more than my attractions to boys.
Books cost more than boys though. I can only afford a book once every month/two months.
I just loved the idea of vampire hunters training in Spain with burning churches and insecurites and then coming home to find "home" transformed, as well as the incredibly diverse team that the main character, Jenn, is a part of. It's an apocalyptic urban fantasy, which was the main thing that got me. And the book trailer was fabulous.
So I decided to do the whole Do-What-You-Feel-You-Need-To-Do thing. Intuitive reading ;). I bought Crusade. (See? It's a theme in my life now.) And I'm begging all my friends for Borders coupons for Christmas so I can get Clockwork Angel and everything else on my TBR list.
So, update on work count. 95 pages and
I'm hoping I can get 5 more pages done today. That way I can start on page 100 and end at page 290 at the end of NaNoWriMo.
Exciting!!! Then, I'll only have about 100 pages left to go in December, after which I'll be...done.
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