Fly

Because I need this right now:

 

By Myself

I'd say that 3/4 of my friends are on crash diets right now. Sitting with them at lunch hurts. This is something that sucks about being an eating disorder survivor.

On the bright side, boys continue to look at me. And smile at me :) They didn't do that when I had an eating disorder.

More than that, my real friends (namely Michelle) are my friends because of my personality. If I weighed 300 pounds, she would still be my friend.

I'm reading Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver right now, and it's the best book I've picked up all year. (Yeah, I'm reading again. For 30 minutes a day no matter how late I have to stay up. Reading is the best way to learn about writing--although my writing class is freaking awesome as well) It's about discovering what's TRULY important.

And right now I'm thinking back to a fight I had with my grandma last night and how I shouldn't have said some of the things I said. Yeah, I needed a reality check. And I got one!

I'm also dreaming about Jamba Juice's new pumpkin smash smoothie. I'm not going to mention the calorie content, even though that was the first thing I searched after the first divine sip. ARGH. Some habits are just so hard to break.

But I'm fighting! And I'll keep fighting! Until I'm healed. Watch me do it.

Okay, TSL. Bring it. I'll probably just read 20 pages and then work on Downside.

Revelations

I am laughing hysterically right now.

Out of happiness.

I just outlined the remaining 3/4 of TRTP in an hour and a half...on a policy debate flow template from summer camp before my freshman year (See? I KNEW that flow would come in handy one day...even if I stopped taking debate. It had colored columns and a nice font and alternating red and black text between boxes that made it easier to read). There are 48 more plot points that happen before the final showdown (and I've left 60ish pages for the final showdown). The completed product will be something around 430 pages.

Unfortunately, this means I'm going to have to delete a large part of what I wrote and rearrange all of it.

...Guess that kind of screws up NaNoWriMo, huh? Well... that's too bad.

I'm still delirious about what I accomplished. Yesssssssssssssssssssssss!

I'm freaking nervous too. I'm staring at that outline and asking myself how EVER am I going to accomplish all that? I'm already behind... by a LOT. And yet, it's super exciting!!!

Acceptance

I think I'm on my way to doing it!

And you ask, "Doing what?"

And I reply: learning to love myself for who I am and not focusing on the thin/fat/pretty/ugly and instead on how smart, witty, funny, and what a great writer (:P) I am. And how I work hard and I'm a fighter. I mean, I don't make friends with other people because of what they look like.

Tonight, I ate when I was hungry. And I ate what I wanted. And it was all healthy food because when I'm NOT starving myself, I don't crave junk food. And I feel great about myself. :)

And now let's get a chapter of history done so I can write.

Fortune Cookies

I have decided to start collecting the fortunes from fortune cookies. Mine from dinner today said "Luck is coming your way." :) My Mom's (which I'm keeping) says "The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it."

Today at dinner, I ate when I wasn't hungry. Which isn't really a big deal, except my mind is still kind of screwed over by ED.

But I made myself think of the stranger today at the gym, who told me I looked great now that I was strong and not a stick. And strong people eat lots :). Either way, it's not about my body or the way I look. It's about who I am as a person.

That schedule I wrote in my previous post is messed up because I overslept. Instead of a 1 hour nap, it was a 3 hour nap. AHHHHH. Thank god for the time change. Okay. Let's pray I can finish my homework by 10:30 and write for an hour.

To work!

NaNo Day 7

Thank you to the stranger at the gym who came up to me today and told me he thought I looked great. He'd noticed me when I first started showing up 1.5 years ago--a feeble, skinny teenager who didn't even know how to lift a dumbell. And he told me that now, I looked strong and healthy and I was doing great and I should keep it up.

It made me smile. :)

You have no idea how thankful I am to all the strangers out there I've met or not met who have or will change my life. Here I was fumbling with the way my stomach looked in the mirror when a buff guy with tattoos came up and lifted the burden off my shoulders just a bit. It really meant something to me. I don't know what I would do without people like that in the world. They teach me more than textbooks and tests and Wikipedia.

As for NaNo, I finally fell behind the SUGGESTED word count, which is actually 5 pages ahead of my PERSONAL word count. (I was intending to write 90 pages in the first 3 weeks and then 100 in the last week when I had school off) So I'm aroud 8089 words right now. Hopefully I can bring it to 9000 tonight!!!

More updates to come. I think I'm gonna take a nap now. (Oooohhhhh-->if you looked at my mood, you probably noticed I was feeling "chipper" today. I didn't know what it meant until 2 seconds ago when I went on Urban Dictionary. "Happy or chirpy." That's EXACTLY what I was feeling. Here's to another word that means what it sounds like it means."

I'm also pretty sleepy. I just tried out for Fashion Show. Was one of 2 juniors who showed up. O.O Walked down the runway in high heels I never broke in. But I didn't think it went THAT bad. Okay,

4:30-5:30 SLEEP
6-7:30 DINNER
7:30-9:00 HOMEWORK
9:00-11:30 NANOWRIMO. ;))

NaNo Day 4

Oh man. It's WAY past my bedtime.

I'll just give a quick update on wordcount.

28,192/95,000 and 6749/50,000.

Wrote 1489 words today.



Up one percent form yesterday. Hmm...does that mean that if I continue at this pace, it'll be 70 more days until I reach 100%??? That would put my finish on January 7, 2011, give or take a few days. Seems about right, actually... Although I'd be AWESOME if I could finish before New Years'. Or Christmas (although that might be asking for too much ;P)

Okay, I really need to sleep now.

(If I don't faint from practicing violin first)

Oh wait, I think I just reversed the word order. What I mean to say was "Okay I really need to practice violin now" and "(If I don't faint from falling asleep first)"... You can probably tell, I'm about to keel over dead.

Oh no, I think my Mom's about to wake up and get mad at me for staying up so late. She loves me.

Good night!

NaNo Day 3

Daily count: 1910 (although I think I just deleted 1 word...or did I add 1 word? Same difference, which isn't really a difference at all)

Total NaNo count: 5305/50,000

Total TRTP count: 26,725/95,000

Page count: 119/420

Here's the little word meter from Writertopia symbolizing my progress:



Up 1 percent from yesterday...

:)

And now I have to get up early morning to read chapter six of The SCARLET Letter. See? If I keep doing that, maybe I'll start spelling it right again.

Speaking of which, I was listening to "Anything but Ordinary" by Avril Lavigne, and it made me think of the first time I heard that song. Which I think was back in 7th or 8th grade when I was still writing fantasy stories with warriors and dragons and the classic good vs. evil plotline. I was obsessed with Smallville that one summer, which made me abandon my writing project. XPPPPP The lyrics that made me fall in love with the song: "Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out... and leave me here to bleed."

Totally applicable to TRTP. Not so much to dragons and warriors.

I'm adding this to my TRTP playlist, which I think has 19 songs at the moment, although I have no idea what I was thinking when I added half of those. Violin and zzz time now!

Scarlet/Scarlett

I hate working on TRTP at school. Even while I'm in the library, there are constantly people walking past and glancing over my shouder (Which is why as soon as lunch ended and my free period started, I moved to a back corner of the library...which was empty until these talkative senior girls invaded my space -_-. Well, it COULD be much worse, so I'm gonna deal)

This whole Scarlet/Scarlett thing continues to bug me. Nonetheless, I just finshed all things TSL (The Scarlet Letter- and I did it again, the "Scarlett" thing) related. I actually LOVE this book. We have a lot of chemistry, Hester Prynne and I. If only there was less homework regarding the book...

As for TRTP, I managed to fix up chapter 15 in Latin class today while simultaneously participating in a translation of Horace's Ode 1.1 That's the difficulty of being in a 3 people class. Everything you do is closely monitored. And yet, that's my laxest class, and therefore the best to work in. XP Sucks how I was like "Wh-what?" every time the teacher called on me and screwed up a few very eimple grammar constructions. It's okay. Horace is like the T.S. Eliot of Caesar's lifetime.

I have exactly 1 hour to get as much work done on TRTP as I can. Well...let's get started!

Hundredth Page Party!

Yeah! It's 12:26 a.m. and you know what I just realized? (After an on and off 20 minute violin practice session. In case you were wondering what I do during the "off" intervals, I sit on the floor and ruminate about TRTP. Typical, huh?) I REACHED PAGE ONE HUNDRED YESTERDAY. AND I DIDN'T NOTICE IN TERMS OF MY USUAL "OMG I'M ONE FOURTH OF THE WAY DONE!!!"

So I'll say it now.

I REACHED PAGE 100. Yes!!!

Okay, so what does that entail?

Here are some of the things it entails. I spelled "scarlet" in The Scarlet Letter wrong again today while I was writing my mini English essay. And I just spelled it wrong again while typing that a minute ago. Now I wish I chose Scarlet to be her name instead of Scarlett...but too late. I'd just watched Gone with the Wind when I added Scarlett's character to the story, so too bad. I did it on my pop quiz too last Wednesday... My teacher probably thinks I'm crazy.

Yay. And now ending on that positive note, my eyelids feel like rocks. Good night!

NaNo Day 2

Oh yeah!

I finished my homework during my free period today--just so I could come home and

1. Fix that scene from Ch13 that's been bothering me

2. GET TO WORK ON THOSE 50,000 WORDS!!!

I've changed my mind about my doubts. I'm GONNA MAKE IT this year. I'm so winning. Eff the fact that junior year practically skins you alive. I need to do this.

:)

On a related note, I was stuck on a description for my MC's mom's closet earlier, and I was listening to Hungover by Kesha. She happened to say "dirty laundry" and this lightbulb clicked off in my head. I was like "Oh! That's the PERFECT phrase." So I used it.

The Nano website claims I'm the equivalent of 2 days behind in word count, but that's only if I go by their linear graph. The graph doesn't take into account the fact that I have THANKSGIVING BREAK. What I wouldn't give to stay home all day and writewritewrite. It would feel heavenly.

Anyways, break over! Back to work.

Update 2 hours later:

YES! I am no longer 2 days behind. I am now 1 day behind and 1 day ahead...which I'm supposing evens out to just right?
3395/50000 and 24791/95000 aka 26% of the story written. Now at 109 pages out of what I'm guessing will be 400 pages. So far this NaNo (which isn't really that far), I've churned out a chapter a day.

Had a really good writing day today. Can only pray for the same tomorrow.

How about an inspirational LolCat?



Not really inspirational (unless you want to be a "cheezburger"), but still--killer cute!

And now I'm gonna practice 30 minutes of violin and go knock myself out.

:)

November's Here!

National Novel Writing Month has finally touched down!!!

Update on my personal wordcount: 22,816 words out of 95,000. In terms of NaNo word count, 1,420 out of 50,000. And maybe if I'm lucky, I can write 3 more pages tonight!

Now I've got to take a one hour nap. Get up at 4 and go to cheer practice until 6:30. Come back and work on SCHOOLwork until 7:20 and then head off to kickboxing until 9:30 (includes showering and buying dinner). Come home, maybe do a bit more schoolwork until 10:30. And then write write write until 11:30.

I can actually be pretty productive when I'm zoned in. Or what do they call it in the movie The Social Network? "Wired in?"

Off to the nap!